If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
