I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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