made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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