so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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