I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
