oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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