Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
