i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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