I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
