Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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