she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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