so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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