hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
