another moral hangover. fuck.
I cannot find my penis.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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