He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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