Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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