I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
