I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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