I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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