Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
