Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
His hands were made for my vagina.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
