I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
