how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
