guys are not supposed to queef...right?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
