never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
