alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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