I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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