I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
