Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
