Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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