I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he wants to bone in the snuggie
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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