i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
