Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
