So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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