so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
