Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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