my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
