My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
