I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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