We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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