I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
