shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
