Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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