she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
