She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
