Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I could make wine with my vomit
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
