When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
