you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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