she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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