She's JV to your varsity
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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