seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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