Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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