Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
