its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
