i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
