I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
