Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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