I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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