How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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