You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
