i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
