I wish life had little blips of pornography
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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