think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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