Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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