96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
