I am puke
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
