The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
