batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
