why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
