you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
