How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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