addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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