he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
