That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
