What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
