Betty ford says i'm here all night
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
