I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
