is your mom at the bar?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
two words: eviction party
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
